‘You shouldn’t have a maid, you are not busy enough!’: Coworker criticizes young professor for hiring household help, tries to shame her at a work dinner for not doing her own chores, pushing the lecturer to shut it down and cut her out

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Mar 27, 2026 7:00 PM EDT

The lives of these two colleagues sit next to each other like a split screen, and just like you would imagine, it isn't fun, although it does involve games

On one side, there is a young literature professor who worked hard early, landed a good university job, and decided that adulthood for her means fresh cooking, outsourced chores, and actual free time. She hires help for cleaning and laundry, keeps her energy for work and the things she enjoys, and does not feel the need to prove anything through scrubbing.

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  • Woman standing with arms crossed, looking serious in a home office with a brick wall background.
    via Vitaly Gariev

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • You should not have a maid cause you are not busy enough!!

    so I am a literature professor in a university, despite being in my early twenties I got selected in a very reputed college of my country.
    via Past_Pianist_3852
  • The thing is I like to cook my meals fresh and apart from this I don't like doing chores like cleaning and laundry etc.
    via Past_Pianist_3852
  • so I hired two helper for all the work, and let them do whole work while I enjoy my life.
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  • honestly in early days of my academics I worked really hard and I feel I deserve this carefree fruitful life.
    via Past_Pianist_3852
  • Now 4 months ago my coworker moved into a house next to mine. let's call her 'rose', so rose is like 9 years older than me.
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  • She is married, and has 3 kids. although she joined way before me but still my salary is more than her due to qualifications.
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  • Smiling woman standing in a home office with a brick wall and shelves in the background.
    via Vitaly Gariev

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • So next door to our academic overachiever, there is a colleague in her thirties with a spouse, three kids, a higher salary, and a home life where hiring help is not even allowed. She clearly carries more domestic load and has less space to step off the treadmill. That part is just circumstance. The tension starts when she turns that circumstance into a standard and starts speaking as if it applies to everyone. Advice slides into judgment, then into little lectures about how a woman should live, offered even after being told those comments are not welcome.

  • Also we belong to completely different departments thus we are not close. initially we only greeted each other in the morning because our timing was the same while going to University.
    via Past_Pianist_3852
  • soon we grew a little more contact because she joined the same gym as mine. She even took my helper's contact for hiring one but it didn't work out because her husband refused to have one.
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  • in this meantime I noticed that she is very bossy, she used to advise me on every little thing although I told her many times that I have my own lifestyle and doesn't like changes in it still she kept on this behaviour.
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  • After getting fed up with this I distanced myself from her. recently at the workplace we had dinner gathering where every employee was invited.
    via Past_Pianist_3852

  • The maid issue becomes the perfect pressure point. She wanted one herself, could not have it, and now frames not having one as the more respectable path. When she jokes at a work dinner that a good woman should not hire help unless she is completely overwhelmed, it is less a moral stance and more a way of making her own situation feel nobler and the neighbor’s comfort feel suspect. The younger professor finally answers honestly, points out the earlier request for the helper’s number, and the subtext surfaces fast.

  • There at the dinning table she again started giving advice about "how should a lady live", and purposely made a joke that "a good lady should never hire a maid if she is not Fully packed with workload" while looking at me.
    via Past_Pianist_3852
  • I was going to ignore this remark but then she proceeded to ask me about my opinion.
    via Past_Pianist_3852
  • I answered exactly what my thoughts are and everyone seemed satisfied with my opinion. She immediately got flustered by this because she thought I won't be answering this.
    via Past_Pianist_3852
  • I even asked her back didn't she was asking about my helper's contact because she wanted to hire one.
    via Past_Pianist_3852

  • In that moment, it stops feeling like casual teasing and more like a pattern that will not change. For someone who values a low drama, self-directed life, cutting contact looks less like punishment and more like maintenance. Not every disagreement needs a showdown. Sometimes it is just a quiet decision not to keep investing energy in a person who treats another woman’s choices as something to correct rather than simply different.

  • At this point she started giving excuses like she is busier than me cause she has a family, and also I shouldn't have helpers because I have more leisure time and less responsibilities.
    via Past_Pianist_3852
  • That was the last day we talked, I decided to cut all my contacts with her.
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  • I feel this kind of person doesn't deserve our energy, it's better to leave them alone.
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  • DizzyMine4964 Such an obvious bot.
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  • gestaltdude If the owner of this account is a real literature professor, I'm the president of the US.
    via Past_Pianist_3852
  • Routine_Plane7583 It honestly just sounds like she's projecting her own situation onto you. Having a family and more responsibilities doesn't make her morally superior, it just means her life looks different. If you can afford help and it improves your quality of life, there's nothing wrong with that. You're not obligated to live the way she thinks you should.
    via Past_Pianist_3852
  • hbouhl Yeah, she can s k it!
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  • MercuryRising92 Just tell her that the helpers you hire are thankful to have a well paying job with you. You are supporting the local economy.
    via Past_Pianist_3852
  • Rough_Discipline_703 Honestly this sounds more like she's projecting her own situation onto you. Some people equate being constantly busy or overwhelmed with being "better" or more responsible, and they get uncomfortable when someone else is content doing things differently. You're allowed to structure your life in a way that makes you happy, especially if you can afford it and it's not hurting anyone.
    via Past_Pianist_3852
  • BloomzzVale You told her multiple times that you have your own lifestyle and don't want unsolicited advice. When she ignored that, you distanced yourself which was a perfectly reasonable response
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  • dinoooooooo00s "I deserve this carefree and fruitful life" Right.
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  • Gilded-Petal lol rose sounds super salty bout your maid setup
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  • ObligationWon The 'Academic Martyr' complex is real. There is a toxic subset of academia that believes if you aren't miserable and overworked, you aren't doing it right. They view "Leisure Time" as a character flaw. As a Literature professor, you know all about the "Leisure Class"-you're just living it. Ignore her. She's probably just mad your syllabus is better than hers.
    via Past_Pianist_3852

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workplace discussion employment issues academics workplace-stories university coworkers colleague
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